Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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