i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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