took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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