If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Everclear isn't food dammit
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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