there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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