I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
