coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
