I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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