I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Randomize
