made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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