i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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