There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
