Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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