Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
