Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My cat gives me a boner
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
