If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
