It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
