I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Terrible idea I love it
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
