I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
