im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
