haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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