im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
