Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
