you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
