bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
