it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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