You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
