He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
