the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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