I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
