Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
