i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Sext me about skeletons
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
