i permit you to call me
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
did i walk over a car last night?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You made out with two different species that night
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
