take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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