I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
