i think my tv is drunk
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
