I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
