Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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