You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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