i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
