what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
