She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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