There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
