maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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