You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
