I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
