no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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