Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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