After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
it glows. i had to have it.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
