I've blown a few things in my day
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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