also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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