My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Randomize
