I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
