She said her name was "party"
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
